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Song : Victory
By : Toshiro Masuda

I am now a sensei (先生). A healer and a teacher. I must live up to that. 

Source : The meaning of sensei

As of tomorrow.

No phone line.

Hence no internet connection.

At least for the next 10 days.

The earliest you’d hear from me would probably be on the 9th of July.

With luck, perhaps before that if the hostel Im staying in Manchester has wireless broadband connection.

Till then, if you have nothing to do.. do attend my graduation ceremony online on that day. The links not up yet but its somewhere there.

Pastuh, korang pepandailah carik session Minci sampai dapat!! Muahahaha.. The little pretty one would be me

Jessica Alba has got to be one of the prettiest Iban I’ve ever seen. In the movie Sleeping Dictionary that is. The movie’s sound quality was so bad (padan..tgk lanun punya) that I had to fast forward most scenes. I couldnt help wondering if ’sleeping dictionaries’ did exist in Sarawak.

Sleeping dictionary is a term given to indigenous women of Sarawak (in this case, the Ibans) who lives with the foreign officers on administrative duties in Sarawak - performing wifely duties and teaching the local language. 

According to Wikipedia, the practice existed. Hence, the  “many prominent Eurasians in local Borneo society who are living proof of that”. I have yet to find a more reliable resource. Tak nampak pun. 

Song : IKEMEN Boogie
(OST Hanazakari no kimitachi e)

” Love is everywhere, all you need to do is look ”

Download Ikemen Boogie

Download Ikemen Boogie - Piano version

It’s that type of feeling you get once in a while.

• Zen. At peace. Openness - The realization of being ‘in the moment’. Living the Present.
• A knot in the stomach. Heaviness in the chest - Knowing that you will reach that Future Event. Knowing that it will happen.

Today, was the knot.

I was in the living room with all the other species a.k.a. my housemates and it dawned to me that at about this time next month, we’re going on separate ways one by one. Leaving this place called home. Am I sad? Yes. Am I going to miss them all? Absolutely. Am I going to say this to their face? No. Baca je kat sini bley? Tak reti nak feeling2. Im not going to write you a love song, ok?

Things will change. it would be nice to keep in touch but we never know what might happen later on. I might be working in a very rural area - near the caves with bears as my pet.

I do hope that these species could at least keep writing in their blog. Or appear as ‘online’ on my YM list.
Faith tells me that we wont disappear completely from each others lives. I’d like to hold on Faith.

It wasnt difficult to choose which colour hoodies I wanted. With a purple colored font like this one, navy blue seemed like an acceptable choice. There was grey and pink but this caught my eye.

And a ninja pose is a must. ha ha ha. The fabric is so comfortable. Love it!

With Badsyah in my life, it’s all about discovering what he has and using it to his full potential. Like this Microsoft Works Database thing. Kinda cool I have to say although I have yet to use most of its templates or components 100%. Im making a list of what I’d have to do over the next few weeks and boy, its giving me a tiny migraine.

Similar to MJ, I’m also in the midst of settling my affairs with the phone companies, internet, home bills, house rent, shipping! Considering that space is a luxury I do not have back home, tell me, how do I cram 5 years of my life here in one box?? Ha ha ha.

I’m already filtering my clothes and painfully, my books. I love my books but after putting much thought into it, I’d figured that maybe other people could benefit in the pleasure of reading it too. That ‘The Witch of Portobello’ has a point.

Source : The Witch of Portobello - A Novel by Paulo Coelho

“Is learning just putting things on a shelf or is it discarding whatever is no longer useful and then continuing on your way feeling lighter?”

“On the shelves were all the books I’d invested so much money and time in buying, reading and annotating. There were my personality, my education, my true teachers”

“How many books have you got? Over a thousand, I’d say. But most of them you’ll probably never open again. You hang on to them because you don’t believe.”

“I don’t believe?”

“No, you don’t believe, full stop. Anyone who believes will go and read up about theater as I did when Andrea asked me about it, but after that, it’s a question of letting the Mother speak through you and making discoveries as she speaks. And as you make those discoveries, you’ll manage to fill in the blank spaces that all those writers left there on purpose to provoke the reader’s imagination. And when you fill in the spaces, you’ll start to believe in your own abilities.

“How many people would love to read those books but don’t have the money to buy them? Meanwhile, you sit here surrounded by all this stagnant energy, purely to impress the friends who visit you. Or is it that you don’t feel you’ve learned anything from them and need to consult them again?”….

“Without them I’d feel naked.”

“Ignorant, you mean.”

“Uncultivated would be the right word.”

“So your culture isn’t in your heart, it’s on your bookshelves.”

Yah, Im trying very hard to convince myself that knowledge is best shared. And my way of doing it at the moment is to give it away. Im not parting with all of it but the decision of which books get to go in the shipping box must be made. NOW!  

Rileklah kan.. buku boleh beli.

This part of my life is called ‘Re-Leave’ [read: relief]

A gift from Me to Me :
My very own sphygmomanometer
Who wants a free BP reading?

Relief because this chapter of my life has a relatively happy ending. And the process of leaving this foreign land is on its roll.

Five years. How time flies. I value the experiences I’ve managed to gather all this while. I still dont know it all - the mechanics of life and I like to believe that what I’ve learnt and know today is merely a taste of what the future has in store for me. The beautiful part of it all was forging friendships with individuals I’d never thought I’d be able to throughout my medical training. And I’d be most honoured if they’d remain within my radar eventhough I’m moving on to the next chapter in my autobiography. Of course, on my part I’d have to resist the occasional temptation of my own to slip off other peoples radar - on purpose. Ha ha.

Some time ago, I wasnt convinced that medicine is the right path for me. I had wanted to leave it all. I still dont have that Type A personality to walk this walk but Im happy to say that medicine may be the best thing for me. There’s a lot more to medicine than working in a hospital environment, becoming a lecturer or opening up a clinic and insya-Allah, I will find that out. There is life out there! It may be in the paths of Dr Tess Gerritsen, Dr Michael Crichton, Dr Hunter Adams, our very own Dr Jemilah Mahmood and Dr Sheikh Muszaphar! Or other less prolific doctors who chose to open boutiques, bakery shops and a thousand other side professions. If Ibn Sina can be both a medical practitioner and an astronomer,  I suppose I could also be healer, daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend and a florist at the same time.

‘Chapter V:  5 Years In Red Devil’s Land’ will end with me taking the Hippocratic Oath. If the practice is abandoned, perhaps being reminded of my future duties as a doctor as outlined by the GMC. Only then, would I feel that the acknowledgement of being called the ‘little healer’ is true and worthy. 

After the intermission, its ‘Chapter VI: Debutante’. In the meantime, I might as well enjoy the carefree days of rattling out the likes of Ting Ting. “Thats not my name!!”

If you need a reason to cry, watch Grave of the Fireflies.

There’s a 21 part movie of it on Youtube with English subs. Seita and Setsuko.. huhuhu

I’ve always dreaded the trip to the optic store whenever I have to get a new pair of glasses. This is because;

1. Overall, the sales assistant are very unhelpful in terms of giving advice on what type of frames are suitable for my face. Hellooooo.. korang ingat sebab aku pakai tudung aku tak kisah pasal appearance? Hence, it is very very very irritating to see them giving too much attention to other customers who really, in the first place has dioptres of less critical range. Duh. Heyyyy.. nih DIva Kecil OK.. sini sini.. layan me..

Yah. I have that only one complaint.  Ha Ha.

Korang tunggulah nanti aku dress-up pegi kedai.. ala2 Primadona.. hmph. Then, I’ll flash and wave my credit card in a hypnotic fashion so as you people bow at my feet and serve my vanity. Miahahaha~~

But before I can eksen like that, might as well try on the many different frames first. Online. Tak banyak beza pun. 

 For the full video. Click here.

I suppose I look OK in those rectangle sort of frames. Perhaps semi-rimless. Not so much of colour. Huhu.

Song : Aku Punya Kamu
Singer : Faizal Tahir

KIDs Define “Love”
Source : GreatDad.Com

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, “What does love mean?”
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

1. “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”
- Rebecca - age 8

2. “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”
- Billy - age 4

3. “Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”
- Karl - age 5

4. “Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.”
- Chrissy - age 6

5. “Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”
- Terri - age 4

6. “Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.”
- Danny - age 7

7. “Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss”
- Emily - age 8

8. “Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”
- Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

9. “If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”
- Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikkas on this planet)

10. “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”
- Noelle - age 7

11. “Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”
- Tommy - age 6

12. “During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”
- Cindy - age 8

13. “My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.”
- Clare - age 6

14. “Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.”
- Elaine-age 5

15. “Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.”
- Chris - age 7

16. “Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”
- Mary Ann - age 4

17. “I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”
- Lauren - age 4

18. “When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” (what an image)
- Karen - age 7

19. “Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”
- Mark - age 6

20. “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget”
- Jessica - age 8

So which ones are your favourite? 

I dreamt I was on a shooting spree last night. My poor victims were elderly Caucasians. For some reason, the objective of the exercise was to filter medical students who were not thorough in their judgement. I, for one was one of those students. We were told to shoot the patients before they transform into something else of evil nature and hence I would have to decide if shooting them was justifiable at the time I stopped their ticking of the heart. Strange form of test but still I failed. I killed too many patients. In fact, during the feedback session (what?) the ‘examiners’ told me that they were not happy with me shooting one particular male patient a couple of times. it’s because he wont die and he keeps on morphing!! what was I to do?

In another dream sometime ago, the scenario was in a sultans residence. He had commanded that all final year medical students studying in Manchester to come to his palace (menyembah duli). The Sultan then sat us down in front of a crowd - The People. He then proceeded with an announcement by urging the citizens to look at our faces, the doctors who will be serving the country after graduation. Honestly, it didnt sound anything that could make us hav a sense of pride in becoming healers. It felt more like a death sentence. I remembered feeling ‘fear’ throughout the dream. It could be due to the wedding present I brought to the Sultanah. I gave her a pair of telekung but when I wanted to perform salah, I realized I didnt bring mine. So, I kind of ‘borrowed’ hers instead before putting it back where it belongs. Mana tak cuak!!

But today it is more about to share this dream. Of my house by the railway track.

The circumstances of the dream was of horror (again!). Close to a thriller movie for in it, my family, my friends and I were pursued by an assassin who has sworn to take the life out of all of us. Like in any story, the beginning was calm and serene. My house was a beautiful wooden structure and located by the seaside. Perhaps it was the influence of Spirited Away for there it was, a railtrack passing beside my house continuing out to the sea.

The house itself was made of wood and it emanates wealth through the design and shine of the interiors. Walking through the front door, there were long huge windows opening out to the sea. The cool breeze passing through the large space causing my hair to just fly and float with the flowers swirling around. Feeling Pocahontas pliss.

The wooden floor felt almost cold to walk on but sort of welcoming especially having been outside in the heat. It was a huge one-storeyed long house. There was no indication of where my room was but I do know that my parents had theirs at the back of the house. One have to step out of the main house before being greeted by this little balcony they had just in front of their room. Its as though they had their own little private chalet, complete with everything they need in that dainty space of theirs.

I remembered standing by one of the big windows and just looking out of the sea. Akin to the wonderful experience of the clas trip I had whilst I was in Mara College to Port Dickson. The smell of morning, the sight of Gods phenomenal creations and to hear Life working its way around me was breathtaking.

Of course, that was the good part of the dream. It wasnt long before the nightmare begin.

All of a sudden, it was nightfall and I sensed DANGER. Something/someone wants our lives to be wiped off from the face of the earth. The wind took a turn from soft, calming breezes to an aggressive nature. Sand was blown into the house and frantically, I remembered screaming “Close the windows! Lock the doors!”

And waited in silence for DANGER to execute us.