:: Sabotaj October 24, 2009Posted by Minci 先生 in 455176.
Awak dah tidur ke? Awak tak cakap lagi kat saya siapa yang sabotaj awak. Awak mesti sedih. How I wish I could be there with you ..
Sabotaj is a big theme in any HO’s life. You get sabotajed by your colleagues and the external environment.This week alone two people blatantly wrecked my life to a certain extent – damaging me emotionally. By that I mean, it makes me angry. Like crazy panda angry.
In my current posting, when you’re oncall… you have to go hospital early to take the morning bloods. So I would usually reach hospital by 5am, set my blood taking trolley up, start taking the bloods while waiting for my fellow oncall colleagues to come and finish the job together. I can accept friends who come at 530am but I cannot stand those who comes at 630am. Worse.. 645am.
Like hello.. I came by 5am with a purpose.
- I want to finish my task by 630am just so I can go back to my respective ward and review my own patients there just before my MO comes to do their rounds!!!!
Whats worse is that in the afternoon, when we’re suppose to take blood TOGETHER again, the **^&”^( would leisurely go out for lunch and leave me there in the ward to take the blood alone. Like hello (2nd time.. ) apa kau ingat aku tkder patient nak review in the afternoon. Did you think that just because you’re oncall, you’re exempted from reviewing your own patients in the ward. Hell.. NO.
Thats the first sabotaj. The second one..*sigh*
Im lost at words of how to describe it. In short, this person nearly got my name scratched off from doing a presentation next week. Ive been so kind to remind him about the task and respectfully waited for his decision before proceeding with my part of the task and voila.. he decided to pull out a stunt on his own, risking me being labeled as the irresponsible one. Like.. OMG!!! Some people ah… they really lack this E.Q thing you know.
Its things like this that reminds me of why God made me a small, Muslim lady - My Temper.
Because Im small, I dont have the physical strength to throw these people to the wall and crush their bones.
Because Im a Muslim, anything to do with killing/poisoning to death is a sin.
Because Im a lady, wajarlah bersifat malu dan keperempuanan sikit. KAn????
:: Sticky cubicle October 17, 2009Posted by Minci 先生 in 455176.
Tomorrow im in charge of something really sophisticated. The sticky cubicle. The cubicle where all the kids will be connected to tubes and wires of some sort. I feel so inadequate. I am so not in a mood. Working one to one with a superior often leaves me feeling anxious and stressed. Its because I know I have to deliver the goods and be on my best performance at all times. there will be no one to cover me if things go wrong. People wont notice if I need any help unless I ask of it – and close friends would know how much Id let myself drown until I finally decided to ask for help.
and this will be for one week. I hope so because I dont think I can cope with it for long.
I feel like going to trace some results tonight.. because im that efficient. LOL. Gila.
:: Pause and reflect October 13, 2009Posted by Minci 先生 in Everyday Life.
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By the end of this posting, genaplah satu tahun lebih that I havent eaten any lauk yang masak lemak and asam pedas. Jauh sekali ayam bagan datoh kakfiza.
its also a mark of of how it has been ages since i cooked something very complicated for myself. Like.. spahgetti sedap, ayam roast, baking cookies and CAKES!!!!
prior to coming here to do my housemanship, I have this vision in my head of how I would like to lead my life. I’ll have this little house I can call my own, a luxurious living room with TV, hi-fi, a book case, settee.. an air conditioned bedroom with those sophisticated dimmed lights, bathrooms to die for, a kitchen that could make any chef or sous chef jealous, a fridge full of nutritious things and as mentioned earlier.. a full fridge. A handful of great friends I can hang out with.. a lifestyle I can be proud of.
10 months down the line.. where am I?
Yes, I have a little house that I could call my own. Biarpun sewa.
Yes, I have a living room. though not as luxurious as I had imagined, its functional
No, my bedroom is not air conditioned.. YET and NO, I dont have my romantic lights and mirrors in the ceiling.
My bathroom is adequate. Could have been worse so Im grateful.
Kitchen.. like omigosh..very poor
As of my fridge.. not as green and healthy as I have hoped. instead, cans of caffeinated drinks, liqour, bottles of plain water, a few cartons of milk. Not much food. Just lots and lots of drinks.
A handful of great friends? Yup. And we go to places where ‘girls with money go to’.
In short, my current lifestyle is not like what I had envisioned – none of it is home based anymore. I eat outside for all my meals. I use laundry services. I hire people to wash and hoover my car. I live a quarter of my life in my car, more than half in hospital since I have no further commitments, I have a loyal goldfish in place of a bf, I have a second version of MImie (wow..she can tell that Im on my menses through my mood!), I hardly call home (very poor!), I am not travelling as much as I hope to. Haiz.
Question is.. am I happy to settle with this?
OKLah.. not complaining. its a good experience. I know my biggest weakness in all this is my ‘tak kuasa mode’. That mode hinders me from actively going out in search of a settee, the dimmed lights, aircon services..etc. bila nk ada kuasa nih.. he he he.. kuasa bulan pliss..
ps: And I still havent begun to re-learn and improvise my mandarin (one of my targets when choosing this place to do HOship).
ps2: LOL.. wujudkah PS2? nway… welcome to my fwen zyneelia. hope to meet u soon
:: After 5 weeks October 11, 2009Posted by Minci 先生 in Everyday Life, Love and Relationship.
5 weeks since my last update. Some think i update my entries secretly, only to be revealed by passwords. Truth is, there never was.
5 weeks was enough time to evaluate the happenings in my life. When you’re not hyped about drafting your next entry, you become more alert and receptive of your surroundings. When you cant translate your thoughts onto Word, you pour them out to other individuals in your daily life. You gain insight from people that you’ve never imagined you would. You see the strength and beauty in some of your friends …. It was a time to just get acquainted and in touch with the people around me.
during these 5 weeks, Im also dealing with Losses. Ever been in a situation when you know that the person that you sayang will leave you one day? This is not a matter of IF. Its a SURE thing. You know it will happen with time. Well.. it hurts.
*I spotted this clip on a friends profile and felt that it was so relevant*
But sadder still, you refuse to let go early and choose to linger and wait until the moment comes. Terlanjur sayang kan. Hoping that, maybe he doesnt have to leave. That maybe he’ll change his mind. That maybe he’ll see you in a more precious light. Until then, you fool yourself into thinking that you enjoy being his companion although you hope that you could be more.
Its a haunting feeling day and night. You’re just left there to wonder if its going to be today, tomorrow or the next week. The day when he just stops calling you, stops texting you, stop being interested in you. Just an abrupt stop. Without a word. And you would know that when it finally happens, you wouldnt fight for the relationship coz really.. was there a relationship in the first place? It was mutual companionship. Not?
The agony doesnt stop there as you then begin to wonder if is it because he’s back with his old flame, a new girl in the picture et cetera…
Then you’ll be thinking of how you would want to react. sad. relaxed. angry. after all, this was an experience that you brought onto yourself. and with every moment, theres wither something nice or ugly to take away.
I’ve always wondered why some women subject themselves to being in relationships that gives them less gain but more pain. I guess in my case, it is Gods way of wanting me to travel and see the different places in the world. By making me meet wrong men.
:: The end result -zilch September 2, 2009Posted by Minci 先生 in 455176.
Think of the end result
Think of the end result
Think of the end result
After sacrificing myself to the heat and darkness for what seemed like hours.. they finally figured out the problem. The fuse. Now I still have to wait till TOMORROW for them to put the correct sized fuse in the box. Honestly, how do you expect me to keep my cool?
A complimentary lamp doesnt help to diffuse my anger any bit. I need comfort food and a man.
:: Surirumah meroyan September 2, 2009Posted by Minci 先生 in Everyday Life.
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I dont like engaging in authentic sport activities. Games that truly spell out – this is a sports game. Netball, basketball, badminton (and oh.. ini bukan entry menyindir badminton.. like hello… I din even get the idea of the advert being sarcastic towards badminton when it was aired.. got no bettter things to do meh). In fact, the only sport I genuinely loved was softball. Fullstop. Or need I put it on my forehead to make it clear.
Some people even think I hate sweating. Yo.. I dont mind sweating. But I prefer things like
swimming (ok.. nih kira berpeluh dlm air macam badak)
dancing – aerobics/pole dancing/silly monkey dance/ clubbing
I thought I could do swimming here but it seems that the environment is not so accommodating. I dont even know where best to search for a decent pool. Yo.. even in the UK its much easier to find an aquatic centre that caters for its women citizens – ladies night and special fees you name it. Sini? The only place that one could recommend is Stapok. where on Gods green earth is that.. and I heard that its not even a proper pool. Thats it, Im having my own pool and jacuzzi and stand alone bath tub in my own home later on in life. Add on a multi-national chef team, an army of personal assistants cum trainer, latest electronical gadgets and furnitures in the little ‘mansion’ and voila.. Im living the life as Perez Hilton’s adopted Malaysian sister. Roar.(louder) ROAR!!
Apart from the above mentioned frustration, I would also like to quote this;
One of the problems with contemporary romance, says psychologist Scott Stanley, PhD, cofounder of the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) and author of The Power of Commitment, is the absence of those instantly recognizable and often public markers of commitment. It’s not that he thinks women today should get pinned, exactly, but without the traditional signposts, couples tend to slide into relationships they haven’t thought much about and they each value differently.
Yes, I read Oprah.Com. Men are getting so complicated with time. What is with you people. Forgotten how to become straightforward kah? Yada yada yada.. I know we women sometimes say ‘get in touch with your feminine side’ but halt being ‘sissy’ on the emotional part. Like urgh.. you guys have this extra thick wall selaputing the outside of each brain cells that makes it so hard for us girls to gather your thoughts and feelings stored in that limbic system of yours. Oh wait.. has the ‘feeling2′ aspect migrated to the heart already?
Hmph. puas meroyan. Sekian. My lips like sugar… I know.
:: Getting spiritual with Paulo C August 31, 2009Posted by Minci 先生 in Love and Relationship.
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“That’s how love got lost,” he said. “When we started laying down rules for when love should or shouldn’t appear.”"
“Because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
“Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen of times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can send us to hell or paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence…we have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness.”
A fall from the third floor hurts as much as a fall from the hundredth. If I have to fall, may it be from a high place.”
“Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision.”
“When you love, things make even more sense.”
“I think that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love. If one person really wants us, everyone does. But if we’re alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange.”
“Seize every opportunity that life offers you because, when opportunities go, they take a long time to come back.”
“Love never keeps a man from pursuing his destiny. If he abandons that pursuit, it’s because it wasn’t ture love. “
“Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere.”
“I think that perhaps we always fall in love the very first time we see the man of our dreams, even though, at the time, reason may be telling otherwise, and we may fight against that instinct, hoping against hope that we won’t win, until there comes a point when we allow ourselves to be vanquished by our feelings…”
:: Smile training August 25, 2009Posted by Minci 先生 in Everyday Life.
I was browsing through my friends FB profile pics when I noticed how lovely some people are when they’re happy. And this translates into very good characters in real life. This Ramadhan should be the time to nurture this pleasant perosnality. To garner that high-tolerance to crap mind strength. Et cetera.
and just before I proceed to making this transformation.. I just need to say this 2 things;
Makcik, awak hutang saya RM20.
Rectum-orifice, you owe me RM348 and my self-esteem.
and now the smiling training begins. Lets see how far I get before I start complaining again. Muekeke.