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:: Tomorrow Never Came :: March 21, 2007

Posted by Minci 先生 in Karya Pujangga SEPI-Tal.
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Tomorrow never came

by Pujangga SEPI-Tal

She stepped into her room. It is always dark be it day or night for she had the curtains closed. She couldn’t stand the lights. She could only tolerate light if she was outside of the house.

The dark comforts her gloomy soul. It nourishes ‘cope’ in the face of despair. ‘Hope’ was still beyond reach. At least not yet, for she’s too slow to reach that end of the tunnel. Her walk was never hastened and she was forever hesitant to make the journey quicker. She worries that no one will wait for her once she comes out and lead her to a new road. Where she’ll find a new way of life. She worries more that whoever awaits her was not who she seeks. Alas, there is no way she could tell what lies before her. Hence, to God she must trust. 

She threw her bag on the floor and sat by her bed. She pulled out her side drawers and there was her hidden packet of cigarettes. She could only look at them for she had lost her lighter along the way home from uni. She opened the little white box with stripes of blue.

3 fags in a spread of 2 years.

‘there goes my fertility. I wonder if these ciggies got expiry dates. Been keeping them for too long..’ she said.

She peeked through the curtains and gazed up to the sky. Should she go for a walk and purchase a lighter along the way? Perhaps she can then join Mr Lindermann having his puff of tabacco in the park. Or get on the bus and visit her secret friend, Spike to stock up on those little white tablets – TTM antidepressants. [Through The Mailbox]. It’ll cost her 10 quid but that’s not bad. Never mind the side effects, as long as she’s happy for the next week or so. When money is a bit short, there’s always ‘razor’ to remind her that she’s still alive and well by leaving a mark on her back. She ran her fingers over the linear scars. 8 of them. Her favourite number.

‘Nah, couldn’t be bothered to go out today. The wind is too strong. Maybe tomorrow’

She washed up, had her prayers and recited the Ma’thurat. She came across the familiar verse. Surah Al- Baqarah verse 286. The same ‘ayat’ she read yesterday but only today did she choose to pause a bit longer and pondered.

She finished her reading and got up. She threw her ciggies in the bin and shakily flushed her leftover antidepressants away. Watched it swirled in the toilet bowl. She let out a soft cry by the sink. She wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing. She splashed a bit of water to her face. It was cold. How soothing but numbing at the same time. She lifted her face to see her reflection in the mirror and her eyes caught the glimpse of the ‘razor’. She picked it up.

’22 years old.. and look at how I have become,’ she thought. She cried again. Louder this time.

The razor dropped onto the bathroom floor.
‘Tomorrow’ never came.

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Comments»

1. Puteri Nad :-) - March 22, 2007

huu..
quite depressing reading this.
who’s this 22 year old..if sumone i kno..terus nak gi memeluk

2. little healer - March 22, 2007

nih fiction..hahaha


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