:: Sedih Tak Berujung :: April 22, 2007Posted by Minci 先生 in Dream Diary, Everyday Life, Love and Relationship, Music Reviews.
1. a terrifying dream in which the dreamer experiences feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety, sorrow, etc.
Waking up to a nightmare is unpleasant. Crying in response to an event that seemed so real feels stupid. The sorrow and dissappointment is felt deeply. I wanted to look away or at least not hear about it but everything is laid down before my very eyes. I had no control over my body. I was forced to know who his fiance was. I was forced to know that he was already engaged. There I was standing helplessly longing for someone to just get me out from there. He could see my obviously disapproving face, yet he didn’t seem to care less. To him, ‘us’ was over ages ago and by right, we both should move on. I knew he was not at fault, I shouldn’t have hold on. However, I knew that even if I turned back time , I would still do the same thing. Held on.
The scene finished abruptly and I was in the next scenario. I was in my bestfriend’s newly bought flat. She and her husband was throwing a house-warming party. There were a lot of guys in the living room. I knew some of them and somehow I assumed that there were her husband’s friends from secondary school. A conversation took place until one question popped out from one of the lads I didn’t know.
‘Kenapa ko tkder BF ah?’
and I remembered replying,
‘Because I’m a better person this way’
Those who knew my past looked away knowingly and it was common knowledge amongst certain groups of people at the time that the money I saved towards my own wedding had been donated to a charity of my choice. In that dream, I kinda got the idea that I was living the life of a workaholic.
The nightmare made me wonder, is this a sign? Some sort of situation I have to practise facing in the near future? A plan of action I could opt for if the inevitable arises? I still hope it is just ‘mainan