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:: The aftermath September 21, 2007

Posted by Minci 先生 in Everyday Life, Love and Relationship.
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I guess doing things for other people’s sake do help. Especially when it’s an act out of love for another sister. [Recall Renjer Puteri? Help others to help yourselves]It’s not that nice being ‘the other woman’ or for that lady to be in a r’ship knowing that your bf’s ex is still head over heels over him, right? I know I would feel restless and insecure if I was that gf. Of all people, I think I should know better how that feels like, especially when I’ve got this sorta theme going around with people dearest to me at the moment.

This realization did not take long for me to figure out. That is after this stupid haywire thoughts I’ve ‘lakarkan’ in the diagram below. Ha ha.


Oklah.. perhaps some of the options should go to ‘jalan ke neraka’ as well.😆

I’d have to accept this as one of those divine lesson. It was difficult and lots and lots of tears, self-esteem and thoughts of self-worth were involved in the whole process. Often self-talk like ‘what if I’ve done this? Would he bla bl bla?’ or ‘I shouldn’t have this and this’ or ‘should I call him? maybe he’ll think twice’. But I never got around to that. I never had the courage to try and mend things. Perhaps I was being innocent, naive or plain stupid to believe that ‘If he’s not into you, STOP’. Still, I’d like to believe that ‘If you really want something, go for it for all what’s worth’. In the end, I was as miserable as I could be and everly so confused as what I should do. And now he’s moved on. Well.. he’s moved on for ages actually, I just knew about it now. Kah kah kah.

Then, I had to think things through – took me 2 whole days (including today). I didn’t attend my tutorials and clinics because I couldn’t hide my puffy eyes , swollen face and tired complexion while doing that.😈 If there’s anything I learnt from all this is that;

  • What matters the world to me may mean NOTHING to other people. Accept that.

  • To be careful/vigilant in the next r’ship, should I choose to accept it. [Mcm misen imporsibel plak] Do you know why it’s hard to let go? It’s because when you’re in a r’ship, you’re sharing your most deep thoughts and personal stories with the other half. It’s good when that other half later becomes your lifelong partner but when he doesn’t , you’d feel out of control because now.. ‘that story/feelings’ you don’t want other people to know (beside your best friends) is with that person who doesn’t love you anymore. I feel part of me is gone and open for the jeering, astonishment and criticism of other people should he decide to let those stories and thoughts out to the public. Although it’s not as bad as other people who leaks out their ex-gf’s nudê pictures/ celeb sëx tapes to the public etc.. there is that feeling of ntahlah.. bluekkk.. Anyway, for all I know, my lips are sealed for life. Till death calls. I’m an angel, I know. Toing! Best summarized in Pink’s Nobody Knows song.. la la la la.

  • Mud to one country is medicine to the other. Yea.. akulah mud itu. Terus teringat citer Rambo yang dia sorok dlm tanah tuh. Kah kah kah.. It’s just surprising sometimes to know how different I can appear to some people hence there is that geram thing to it because I actually wished he had seen me the way other guys do. Tapi tuhlah.. that’s my flaw. The more gila I behave in front of the blokes, the less chance lah kan they become my bf. Further bye2 lah, if I start using ‘aku-kau’. He he.

Oh well.. we cannot turn back time. [mode pasrah pliss] If we were meant to be, then we’ll be creating new memories together in the future, since I did a small BBQ of papers and stuff in the backyard yesterday. Miahaha.. I only hope that God would be less harsh next time in teaching me the lessons of ‘to love and being loved’😛 And yerp.. I will forever be holding God’s hands through thick and thin.

I appreciate the telephone calls, comments and emails. You guys definitely give me wings. For the curious minds, I’m sticking to my decision of going back to Malaysia after I graduate. In the meantime, I’ll just go back to the world of having crush on celebrities. For instance, Hady Shukry Mirza (matilah kena panah Jet) and Taufik Batisah.

Allow me the occasional tears but no more asking about how I’m doin okay? Arigato gozaimasu..

Comments»

1. Puteri Nad =( - September 21, 2007

kakminku,
wakarimashita..ganbatte

2. Puteri Nad =( - September 21, 2007

p/s: i din do any of the above,to give u room to breath..but just remember evrything happens for a reason. lov,nad nad

3. jet - September 21, 2007

jangan ngada2 nak lalu jalan ke neraka tuh..sekel ko satgi..[tros tanak buat segala permintaan napsu makan ko.]sy bersyukur kerana mata kamu telah terbuka [apakah?]..well, bende2 nih takes time, tapi janganla dikau mengambil masa sehingga 10 tahun..setahun dua cukuplah..miahahha..begini [bunyi nasihat kakakku kpdku], berkawanlah beramai-ramai..biala kamu ber’aku-kau’ dengan org pun, jika dia adelah jodoh kamu, maka jodoh kamu lah jua…kamu xleh lawan..meh sni aku igtkan semula..

“Wahai sekalian makhluk, sesungguhnya ada 4 perkara yang jangan kita sekali-kali menentukannya jika tiada janji dari Tuhan:
1. rezeki sama ada sedikit atau banyak, semuanya ketetapan Tuhan
2. perkara yang memutuskan rezeki iaitu maut
3. jodoh pertemuan kerana apabila ditentukan Allah, tidak akan bercerailah ia melainkan dengan kehendakNya
4.perkara perceraian yang sudah sampai waktu.”

dari hikayat merong mahawangsa..hehe..

4. Restless - September 21, 2007

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere
I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration 
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

5. cakapaje - September 21, 2007

Spoken like a true lady! But have to admit, memula pening juga nak baca the mind map kat ateh tu…

6. cakapaje - September 21, 2007

ps…1st time dengar lagu Hady Mirza. Ok gak, cam MLTR “I want to be your friend” or something like that title dia. Yeah…oldies.

7. fiza - September 21, 2007

kalo nk bahu utk menanes..tahu nk cari mane, kan? jgn menanes di bahu jln, OK? aku ade 2 bahu..jet ade 2 bahu..kalo ko nk byk lagi, nnt kitorang tolong carikan..takes ur time

8. Zy - September 21, 2007

Just as it takes time for a wound to heal, so does a broken heart.

Do you remember the sentence from my fotopages? (as iffff ada org nak baca my fotopages..duh!) “Just believe that the one who holds the storm will bring the sun.”

I hope everything will get better for you day by day. Take care!

9. Minci - September 21, 2007

nad-chan,
yess..everything happens for a reason.. how cud i forget that when that was the theme of my life before.. well should be now pun kan.. ha ha.. lurv u too..*psstt.. me n jet baru tgh tgk citer Emil Emilda.. at the moment of writing..tgh stop kat episode 11..ee.. menyampah nyer kat emil tuh..😛

Jet,
opsiee..baiklah.. nasihat akak anda kan saya turuti dgn sepenuh jiwa raga saya..

Restless,
thank u dear.. read ur entry😉

cakapaje,
mmglah fenin2 kan.. kekekeke… Hady mirza is so cute..😆

fiza,
nasib baik ko bagi warning.. mau aku baring kat bahu jln kang. meh sini bahu ko.. nak guna masa weeknd nih..

Zy,
my goodness.. that sentence is so deep,moving and powerful.. Terimak kasihlah bebanyak ah.. ehh.. jadi kah sik tek bbq tok..mood kamek dah start malas nk pegi .. hehe 😈

10. Puteri Nad =( - September 21, 2007

emil is baek..plish!

11. shutterspeaks - September 22, 2007

disclaimer: komen adalah berdasarkan apa yg aku tahu dan faham yg mana, rasanya taklah banyak mana pun. bak kata orang putih, the tip of the iceberg.

minci,

you just prove that, people never stop loving some1, they learn to live without them. never stop learning. eventually he’ll become a itsy bitsy teeny weeny spot that will remain in your heart, forever.

minci,

you never fail to make people kagum. dalam masa kau bersedey, masih terserlah kejongosanmu itu melalui diagram lakaran jiwa kau. sedikit tips utk kau. layarilah http://mind42.com/ , ciptalah lakaran jiwa kau dalam bentuk peta minda di sana.

jet,

ako suka dgn ‘ugutan’ kau itu, pasti pasrah cik minci.

Princess Hours,

kekura aku dulu nama emil. dia mmg baek. dan dia tahu nama dia emil, ko panggil mesti dia paling. tp dia xdela menyahut. sbb kalau dia menyahut, aku lari dulu.

12. Amoun - September 22, 2007

Salam MinCi..
Lama tak bertandang ke sini..
Sayu sedu plak sanubari meratah kalimat ko dalam entry kali ni..
Hish.. How I wish I can understand ya situation la MinCi..
Honest… Betapa aku nak understand the way you feel so that I can console you the way I should..

Fact is.. Dalam hidup aku.. Aku blom pernah bermain api ‘hubah’..
Belum pernah ada r’ship segala jadah..
Belum pernah bercinta cintun melayan asmara jiwa..
Masakan aku yg single mingle camni bley paham perasaan org yg dah pernah merasa segala benda ni..
Tambah lagi ‘misen imporsibel’ utk aku paham perasaan bdak2 yg pernah merentas onak duri kesusahan dalam perhubungan diorg yg noktahnya berakhir dengan perpisahan..
Hmmmmm…

Menghela napas panjang je la aku cik MinCi oi..
Nak nasihat tak reti.. Tanak nasihat rasa tak kena..

Apa yg bley aku cakap hanyalah.. LIFE IS SHORT..
Hehehe.. Jgn kau pendekkan lagi LIFE yg SHORT itu dengan lakaran peta minda ko yg pelbagai itu hahaha..
Enjoy life as it is.. Biar bebas berterbangan tanpa ikatan bagai burung di awangan..
Sepertiku.. Bahagia di samping Kak Ani tersayang..
Tak perlu ada ikatan cinta utk bahagia hahaha..

OK la MinCi.. You dah besar panjang.. Sure you pandai jaga diri rite..
I admit.. Seteng2 jantan dalam dunia ni mmg takley pakai..
Lain kali.. Cari lelaki..
Kerna hanya ‘Lelaki ini yg selalu mencintaimu.. Selamanya.. Tanpa ragu..’
Pendek kata.. Bagus la solution ko nak jatuh chenta ngan celebrity semata itu haha.. Tp MOTIF TAWFIQ BASITAH?? Kembalilah ke tanah tumpah darah.. Minat aa Anuar Zain!! haha..

Akhir kalam.. Jgn ko jeles kitorg nak iftar jama’ee beramai2 hehe..
Nanti ko balik Mesia kita buat lagi.. Salamzzz

13. No Title - I Can’t Think Of Any - shutterspeaks.com - September 22, 2007

[…] The Aftermath – Addmath […]

14. kaSyah - September 22, 2007

camnie la..ko tukar lesbo

aku jadi gay.

15. Zy - September 22, 2007

kak yasmin..bbq ya jadi ari tok..jom lah pergi. the more the merrier. mkn kejap jak..lepas ya madah sakit perut (or alasan2 yg logik sewaktu dgnnya) and mok mintak diri awal. hehehe. ney tauk ada junior hensem kah..😛

16. Minci - September 22, 2007

Nad,
baru menyedari hakikat itu. Tapi biler tgk citer tuh mmg tk sahlah kalo tk jerit2 dan gelak2.. suka sgt bila inspector asyik jumpa emilda ‘tribe-dancing’ dlm bilik dia.

shutterspeaks,
haha..trait ‘jongos’ tuh mcm dah susah nk sorok.. kuihkuihkuih.. eh.. mcm jual kuih lah plak.. tapi tuhlah ugutan jet sgt perkasa impaknya dan Wow.. kau ada kura2.. masih bela lagi ker bro?

Amoun,
pjg sungguh kata2 kau kali ini.. malahan kata2 dipetik dan dikarang dgn begitu perihatin sekali – melambangkan kasih sahabat. Cikgu aku pernah ckp dulu.. ‘you don’t have to give labour yourself to understand the pain’.. oleh itu, walaupun ko dgn merendah diri ckp kau tak pernah merasa/melalui apa yg aku rasa.. aku percaya semua org mengerti perasaan ‘kehilangan’ itu bagaimana.. so bagi aku, that is enough.. tk perlulah ko nk bercinta dan break baru nk faham.. malah aku mintak itu dijauhkan utk kau.. acecece… 😆

ah yer..abaikanlah lakaran aku tuh.. bodo jer tuh.. ha ha.. fikiran kacau bilaulah katakan..

finally, biarkan!! aku nk minat celebrity tanah singapura jugak. biarpun mereka jambu. huhuhu.. and yea.. nanti kita boleh iftar sama2 lagi bila sumerang dah balik..

Kasyah,
piang piang piang… motif dikau nk menyongsangkan aku? kroih kroih kroih

Zy,
Make Me😈

17. D - September 22, 2007

the same thing I said to restless, “aaahh.. difficult to comment because I’ve only fallen in love once!”

18. D - September 22, 2007

ooh… and still am crazily in love! your true love will come soon and wipe off all things of the past.

19. shutterspeaks - September 22, 2007

minci,

oh dulu mmg ada. masa mula2 bela kecit jer, lps tu bila dia besar, dah tak muat dah dia nyer sarang, anta dia balik kampung…. nama dia emil king.

kasyah,

padan muka hang kena piang dgn minci ahahaha…

20. Puteri Nad =( - September 22, 2007

amoun,
mana kata2 semangat tuk i?

21. Minci - September 23, 2007

Kak D,
I hope so too and my best wishes to you.. may Mr D’s health be restored soon..he is in good hands.

shutterspeaks,
wahaha.. kura2 pun ada kampung kah? matilah nama pun sudah jadi ’emil king’. dan yer.. mmg padan kasyah kena piang..😆

nad,
jeles?😈

22. adiratna - September 23, 2007

Minci,

Things we did remember; Our Heart Breaks several times.
Things we never forget; Our Fall In Love ( several times le jugak.. awek ramai)

So inga lah yang detik indah sahaja kerana itu penawar segala duka.

23. Amoun - September 24, 2007

Salam..

Dalam kau bersedih (kalau masih bersedih).. Aku harap ko masih boleh memfokuskan otak ngko utk MENGENALI LAGU2 CIK CT NURHALIZA!!! Oi kata peminat setia!??!! Apa cer oiii hahahah


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